Last night I looked over at Ivan and said “Do you realize Elle is going to kindergarten in a year and it will just be me and Jack?” He looked over at me like I was nuts and said yes. I’ve never sent one off to school and not been pregnant or had two at home to look after. What are Jack and I going to do all day? My babies are growing up. I know that’s life but I don’t have to like it, do I? When Ava and Henri were younger life seemed slower. I thought I had forever with them. I enrolled them in everything feeling like we’d be bored just sitting at home. Now all I want to do is sit at home with my babies close by. Lately my kids growing up has been on my mind so much. The thought of being done having babies is so hard for me to get used to. I’d love another, heck I’d be the happiest girl in the world if I could raise a baby for the rest of my life. I know I don’t have to be done, I could have another. But I’m too scared. What if something was wrong? I couldn’t do it again, it would break me. I’m really happy with my healthy family. I’m so blessed to have four babies. I look at Jack, such a miracle. This boy growing up right before my eyes, beautiful and full of happiness. Those days of sitting in the hospital wondering if I’d see him grow up, wondering what he’d look like, if he’d be like his brother. Here he is and I enjoy him so so much. For now this is it for my family as much as it saddens me to think of never holding a brand new baby straight from heaven in my arms again I am so grateful to have these beautiful angels. A friend of mine told me this fun idea, she posts her favorite picture of each of her kids from that week. I’m getting a late start but here it is.
I never thought it would be so hard to pick out the finishings for my house. I usually know what I like and stick with it. Ive learned what I like isn’t always practical. Especially with four kids. Ive picked out almost everything but I’m struggling with the counter tops. Of course I want Carrera Marble, the most impractical counter top. It etches, it stains, you basically can’t go near it if you want to keep it looking good. So today I went to a few different stores to look at slabs and called a few more after I came up empty. I was told “you’re going to have a hard time finding that in the valley”. Quartzite is the only thing I found that came close to what I was looking for, but I wasn’t in love. Do I spend twice as much for something that’s just ehh? Do I go with what I love and look but don’t touch? I can’t imagine being so uptight with my counters. Ive found a few granites that were OK, but more grey than I would like.